How to transform your defiant child into a cooperative one?

A defiant child disobeys, talks back, resents, and does not listen to parents at home and/or teachers in the classroom. It is a normal part of child development especially when kids are at toddler stage or in adolescence. Also, every parent has to experience this phase but to varying degrees.

Dealing with a defiant child is hard!

However, the noncompliance mode of the child constantly puts the parent in a fix. Every time the answer one hears is negative. The growing temper tantrums and defiant attitude of the child as young as two make the parent go crazy. Unfortunately, the frustration of parents only spoils the atmosphere as they cannot reach the right solution which can bring about an amicable environment in the house. 

Moreover, sometimes, the child is too small to understand the reason behind the instruction. On the other hand, the parents fail to see beyond the disobedience and ultimately yell and feel helpless at such times.

If you are one such parent, wondering how to handle your defiant child then first discover what causes defiance in children. Read on to know the causes.

Causes of Defiance in Children

Here are causes that are responsible for defiance among children-

Kids are testing your limits

When you set boundaries and rules, your kid may try to test whether you mean it or not. If they get away without any consequence you had specified, they are going to disobey. 

Kids copy the behavior

Sometimes, young children watch such behavior on TV. shows and want to try the same. Higher exposure to programs and video games that depict aggression or defiance may cause children to follow the attitude.

They are experiencing big emotions

Big emotion may cause disobedience in children

Toddlers and young kids do not understand big feelings and they don't know how to process such emotions. They may feel overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, or disappointed and may display aggressive behavior.

Kids may have needs that are not met

Kids may feel tired, thirsty, angry, or sleepy and they don't know how to explain the same. They express their needs by acting out/ throwing tantrums.

Kids crave attention

Kids crave attention especially when you have guests at home or you are on a call. Throwing tantrums or hitting other kids is an easy way for them to seek your attention!

Tweens or preteens demand independence

Kids in preteens rebel to prove their abilities to think and act on their own. They want to do things in their own way and that's why they may disrespect you, break your rules, or argue a lot. Even toddlers show such acts to prove their independence.

They may have mental health issues

Sometimes, mental health issues such as ADHD are the reason behind kids being a rebel or argumentative. Disobedience and defiance can be a symptom of disruptive behavior disorder, oppositional defiant disorder ( ODD), or mood disorders.

                      

Child Development from Birth to Eight

from: RedShelf

How to Discipline Defiant Child?

Almost every other parent is searching for solutions to deal with their defiant or disobedient child.  The daily power tussles create an environment of unhappiness and stress at home.

It is quite a common scenario in most families where the parents do not know how to restore happiness and peace at home. Being hard with kids, scolding or punishing the defiant child does not bring in desired results?

Then, what can you do?

To overcome such instances and build a loving connection between you and your children, here are 10 parenting tips to discipline a defiant child effectively, read the following now-

Check the unmet needs of your child

Check if your child is overtired, hungry, or sleepy. Treat them accordingly. Encourage them to take a nap, drink water, or eat something. This would naturally mellow down their misbehavior and later you can talk to them about what to do in such a situation.

Understand their triggers

Understand when they defy often such as when things are done hurriedly. Or anything that they don't like and they throw tantrums. When you can get their pattern, you can easily take measures to avoid their misbehavior.

Set clear boundaries

Punishing defiant child is not solution!

State your expectations clearly and firmly. Also, mention the consequences if kids do not follow. However, set age-appropriate guidelines such as "put your toys back in the box" instead of "clean your room" for a 5-year-old.

In case, the child does not follow through, take the action that you had intimated to them before.

Stay calm during big emotions

Staying calm and gentle becomes more important when your child is going through big emotions. When your child yells back, you need to be calm in the storm. Your kind words can put their fears to rest and they are likely to follow your guidelines.

On the other hand, an angry tone cannot calm down an angry, defiant child!

                                               Book Club for Kids

Treat them the way you want to be treated

Some days you may have a bad mood or bad circumstances and you may expect people to be gentle with you. The same applies to your child. They may have a bad day at school or disappointment while playing. Treat them well with kindness and speak lovingly. This would help them to learn good behavior even when they are in a bad mood.

Give them choices

Nobody likes to be controlled. When you ask them to follow your instructions, they may feel a lack of freedom to decide for themselves. To deal with this situation with your defiant child, give them choices so that they feel in control.

When children get to decide what they want, they won't show defiant behavior.

Try to strike a deal

Using logic may help when your kid is defiant and does not listen. You can show them the consequences if they continue their behavior and what would they lose. If they agree to follow how they can benefit and what you can do as per their liking.

For example, if your child does not want to go home after playing, they won't get to see their favorite show on time. But if they decide to leave after 5 minutes, then they will get to watch TV.

Appreciate the good behavior

Another way to get the defiant kid to listen to you is by appreciating the good in them. Compliment them for their efforts and good behavior. You may say-

"Your help means a lot to me."

"You are doing this so well."

" I saw you have been kind to your younger sister, that's amazing!"

Include Positive Reinforcements

When your child complies with your instruction, reward them with some kind of token. You may create a reward chart wherein they get points/ stars for every acceptable behavior. This would encourage the child to obey and behave well.

Set an example

Listen to your child with full attention. Keep aside your mobile phone while playing with them. When you give adequate attention, you will see a drop in tantrums and in defiant behavior. 

Also, check your responses when you are angry, or frustrated. When you choose to be kind and calm in a tough situation, kids learn and imitate the same behavior.

The above defiant child strategies would help you to handle your child better and maintain a stress-free atmosphere at home. In fact, now you can experience the following-

1. your defiant child saying yes to your instructions
2. converting bad moods of the child into happy mood
3. averting tantrum scenes in public places
4. initiating good behavior in kids
5. instilling the feeling of love and security among the children
6. replacing frustration with a peaceful environment

FAQs Related to Defiance Behavior in Children

What if the above parenting strategies do not work?

If the above strategies do not work to reduce defiance behavior in your child, then consult your child's pediatrician.

I suspect an underlying mental health issue with my child, what should I do?

An expert mental health professional can evaluate the emotional issues in your child that are causing behavioral problems.

Does defiance behavior mean Oppositional Defiant Disorder in my child?

Toddlers and teenagers often defy the instructions of their elders. It does not mean they have any mental health condition. Also, at times kids are focused on one activity, and asking them to switch to the next task is hard. It is not always defiance or a mental health concern while raising children.


Follow the above parenting tips to transform your defiant child into a cooperative one and say bye to parenting stress.

Reference sources-

https://www.parentingforbrain.com

https://www.verywellfamily.com/

https://www.variationspsychology.com/