Nurturing The Parent-Teen Bond with Expert Tips

Dealing with teenagers, understanding them, and developing a close bond has become tougher. More and more families are witnessing a disconnect with their teen kids and struggling to build the right bond among them. In such a scenario, it is vital to take the help of an expert and follow their tips to nurture the parent-teen bond.

How to Nurture Parent-Teen Bond?

Expert Advice on Parent-Teen Bond

To help you overcome this difficult phase, we talked to Parenting Expert, Priyanka Joshi, who has supported 1000+ teens and families through her coaching. Read on to get expert tips and insight on raising teenagers effectively while building a strong bond with them.

Priyanka, you are a Teens and Preteens coach, what inspired you to become one, and for how many years have you been in this field? 

I have been a Success Coach for 10 Years and started my work with Teens around 5 years back.

I grew up with a lot of complexes around my academic abilities. It was not because I wasn't capable of doing well, but the way our teachers made us feel. When I became a life coach I understood the importance of emotions and mindset. I understood how people around a child have a major role to play in shaping his or her personality. This knowledge inspired me to empower kids and parents to redefine parenting, so that kids grow in an environment that brings out the best in them, not an environment that focuses on their shortcomings and weaknesses.

 Teenagers and Positive Body Image

Nowadays, kids are so conscious about looking in a certain way. What are your tips to create a positive body image among teens? 

Teenagers do get conscious about looks. It's part of growing up. But we must not allow that to become a part of who they are:

Find what you value.

 We as parents and uncles and aunts must help them see what’s inside. We must have more and more conversations about the qualities and personality traits. Observe how much we value external appearance and the kind of conversations we are having with our friends. Children pick a lot of stuff from our conduct, behavior, and our conversations with others.

Get to know them very well

One way of building a positive body image is to appreciate their positive personality traits. Get to know them really well, their thoughts, their feelings. This will help you admire their unique personalities and talents. When you know them very well, it will be easy to genuinely appreciate them for who they are. You cannot fake an appreciation because that will break their trust in you. More than words, it's the feelings that get communicated in a parent-child relationship.

Be aware of their social media consumption

Monitor social media exposure of your kids.

Be aware of the content they are consuming on social media. Have conversations around the kind of content they are watching and the opinions they are forming about the content. This will help you know if they are heading in the wrong direction. Help them choose content that is interesting as well as informative. 

Listen to them with every cell of your body

Listen to them, give them your undivided attention when they are talking. This part is not easy for parents, because we always have something to tell our child. But listening is where all the change begins.

We cannot change the environment, but we can change the way we parent and connect. As parents, we should be the first ones to make our children feel heard, valued, and seen. 

 When we value their qualities, skills, and talent and love them for who they are, they will develop a positive body image. 

Disconnect Between Teens and Parents' Relationship 

The gap between parents and teens is growing.

Often kids feel disconnected from parents in their teen years. What do you think are the main issues that kids feel disconnected from their parents? Also, suggest some parenting tips to reduce the communication gap between parents and teens.

 

Understand a Teenager’s mind

Children start developing an independent mindset from the age of 10 or 11. It may vary by a year or two. With every passing year, they want more control over their lives. The struggle starts when parents cannot allow control because they are worried about the safety of their children. 

By the time a child hits teens, there are hormonal changes, that are playing havoc with their bodies and minds. There are a lot of new things happening in their outer and inner world. There are times they are ashamed or they are confused about these changes. This is also a time when they are reminded that they are not kids anymore and that they need to start acting like one. Parents love to give instructions and children hate lectures.

Take a balanced approach 

Start this approach early, Give your child control whenever possible. In low-risk situations, e.g.: what color to paint the room, the kind of clothes they want to wear, so you can be in control in high-risk situations e.g.: when to ride a bike, staying out with friends, etc.

You can also involve them in making decisions when choosing a holiday destination or what to order for dinner etc.. Make them feel like have control wherever you can. They might not make the best decisions all the time but they learn. It's always better to mess up when you have their backs rather than later.

Open communication and conversation are the keys to raising a calm and peaceful teenager. Identify a time of the day, when you sit together as a family to watch an old album or play a game that does not involve a device. 

Learn Emotion Regulation Techniques

Teen years come with anger and aggression issues. Handling aggression with anger and aggression can cause a teenager to become an aggressive adult. We need to be the calm to their storm, so they learn to manage difficult emotions from us. Most parents allow their ego to take over and yell back or try to control a teenager’s behavior.

Parents need to be calm and supportive and not be lecturing and nagging. Lecturing and nagging never get the message across but it can cause a teenager to become more aggressive and disconnect.

Practicing mindfulness with kids.

Additionally, parents can introduce a culture of mindfulness practices in their families even before the child hits teens. Mindfulness practices help activate the part of the brain that helps solve issues calmly.

 Screen Time and Growing Kids

I am sure it's a common issue that every parent is looking for a solution- how to reduce the screen time of preteens and teens effectively? 

There are two aspects to this-

 A) Establishing boundaries 

B) Encouraging the child to respect those boundaries.

1.    If a child’s screen time is very high, bring it down little by little. A drastic change will not be received well.

2.    After watching a lot of high-frequency video content, their brain loses the power to make the right decisions. Don't have the conversation around boundaries when your child has already watched a lot of media.

3.    It should be a time when everyone is calm and open to a discussion. Identify a weekend when everyone is relaxed and open.

4.    Moreover, teens listen to their friends more than their parents. Look for ways to become their friends. Playing a game or watching their favorite videos with them is one way.

5.    Have conversations about the damaging impact of high screen time. Have conversations about the addictive nature of devices. Ask them for a window when they would like to be on devices. Inform them about the times they will not be allowed devices before and after these hours and be firm about it.

   Teenagers and Mental Health Issues

5. Nowadays, more and more teenagers are facing mental health issues such as depression. As parents, how can we address the issue and ensure a positive mindset for our kids?

 

More teenagers are dealing with mental health issues.

Quite many factors contribute to mental health issues in children such as 

1) Home environment where children don't feel heard and valued

2) Children absorb the energy and vibrations from their environment. If parents are stressed and unhappy, children will subconsciously catch it. A small amount of stress is not a concern, but when it becomes chronic, it can start to take the shape of depression and anxiety

3) Social Media also has a role to play. Content that a child is watching numbs the brain and it's causing them to reduce other activities that require physical and mental effort. Physical movement and exercise release happy hormones. It helps in both mental and physical wellness.

4) Extreme bullying by peers and teachers can also contribute to mental health issues.

 

Practices to Foster Emotional Well-being of Teenagers

 

Magic is in the simple and small things of life. 

I highly encourage parents to make family time a regular practice at home.  Identify a time in the day or week, where everyone talks about the day and experiences throughout the day.. Make it a no-device hour or 30 mins. Create a space where children can share both unpleasant, anxiety-causing experiences and happy joyful ones as well.   Keep it light and open, so the kids feel free to share their emotions. In addition, keep in mind the three elements of this practice to make it work. 

Undivided attention

Give undivided attention to the child when they are sharing their experience. Show interest and do not try to hurry up while they are pouring their emotions.

Empathize with your child.

Empathize

Show that you understand and value how they feel?  For example, you can say, "I am so sorry that you had to face that." 

Acknowledge

Acknowledge their experience. For example- "That must have felt terrible. How do you feel about it now?"

If your child comes to you with a problem any other time of the day, give them your complete attention and empathize. No matter how small the problem sounds to you, in their world, it can be a big issue. Listen and respond to them, like how you would respond to your spouse or a friend. Subsequently, they will learn to value the feelings of others when their feelings are valued.

Mindfulness Parenting

Always have a mindfulness practice to start and end your day. Also helping children practice mindfulness in fun ways can be quite a game-changer.  These practices have helped me in my parenting journey and many clients that I have worked with in the last decade. 

Let them know "you have their back"

Don't assume, say it. Tell your child that they can always come and talk to you when they feel stressed, bullied, or sad. We assume that our kids know this, but they don't.

Learn and teach Emotional Awareness

Teaching kids to understand emotions and process them is very important.  Our school systems and society pay zero attention to emotions and their role in success and happiness. If parents will not take ownership to become emotionally literate and pass it on to their children, then the road ahead for the child can be pretty rocky. These practices will not only allow a child to develop healthy relationships with emotions but also help keep mental health issues at bay.

Conclusion

We must also have conversations with our kids about how we can strengthen and deepen our bond with them. Author of Inspirational parenting, Alex Urbina who shares an amazing bond with his daughter, asks her how he can deepen the bond they share. He says” It has done wonders for the relationship. Our endeavor should always be to meet our children’s emotional needs so well that they don’t have to go out seeking validation." 

Priyanka Joshi

Priyanka Joshi is a Certified Success and Performance Coach from Symbiosis Coaching, Canada.  She is a certified NLP and Access Bars Practitioner. In her decade-long coaching journey, she has worked with colleges like GL Bajaj, GNOIT, Jaipuria Management Institute, Indirapuram to bridge the skill gap.

 

She has empowered more than 1000 Teens and families through her 1:1 and workshops and webinars. Her signature programs include CAP methodology of Parenting (4 weeks), and Mindful Scholar (6 months course for Tweens & Teens).         

Reach out to Priyanka Joshi for guidance through her website- priyankajoshi.in