Parents often try to do their best to give their children a healthy life and a happy upbringing. However, there is no written handbook for good parenting that parents can follow. Sometimes, parents may knowingly or unknowingly make mistakes that may affect the mental well-being and emotional health of their children. When such occasional oversights become a habit, it results in toxic parenting.
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| Effect of toxic parenting on kids |
Toxic Parenting Explained
In a situation wherein, the behavior pattern among parents hurts the psyche of their
children repeatedly, then parents are raising their kids with toxic parenting. Such patterns evoke
feelings of sadness, guilt, obligation, or fear among young minds. Eventually,
several behavioral patterns of the parents, even though unintentional, may
cause mental trauma and emotional stress in children leaving long-term negative
effects.
Toxic parenting includes:
● lack of empathy
● never apologizing
● never discussing a situation with kids
● use of abusive language
● display of controlling behavior
● Manipulation
● Invalidating emotions of a kid
● Not respecting personal boundaries
● Passive aggression
Apparently, the family abides by dysfunctional rules that adversely
affect the kids.
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| Signs of Toxic Parenting |
Effects of Toxic Parents on Kids
Toxic parents may have long-term and often irreversible effects on the mental, psychological, and emotional development of a child. It is just not bad parenting but it is toxic in nature as it is damaging in nature, leaving behind emotional scars on children.
Many parents who suffer from a mental or psychological issue, pass them on through generations via toxic parenting. They exemplify a dysfunctional coping mechanism reflected via toxic behavior with their kids. As a result, children may experience emotional and mental stress when dealing with different situations.
Here is how toxic parenting affects kids:
Children Never Feel Secure
Tough love often seems to be a go-to rule for parenting, and many
people believe that the approach leaves a positive impact on life. However,
children with such an upbringing often feel insecure and bewildered when
dealing with perceived failure or rejection.
Children Turn Overcritical of
themselves
Highly toxic parents often criticize everything done by their children. Eventually, the kids develop a despotic inner critic that may cripple their adulthood. Some children often lack confidence. And may deter them from taking responsibility. Such children keep second-guessing their efforts and are never confident about their actions.
Such Kids Refrain from Expressing Negative Emotions
Toxic parents neglect the emotional needs of a child. As a
result, the kid feels uncomfortable expressing emotions to anyone. Over
time, the child turns depressive and may not appropriately handle a negative
situation, even as an adult.
Remember, children need to feel connected, loved, supported, and nurtured to grow into happy adults. So, look out for the signs of toxic parenting to replace them with healthy parenting practices.
Telltale Signs of Toxic Parenting
More often, toxic parents respond unknowingly under the influence of emotional or mental stress or an underlying health issue. Despite the reason, here are telltale signs of this extremely bad parenting:
Display of Self-Centered Behavior
Many times, parents behave selfishly, especially when they are self-absorbed. They are so involved with their preoccupations. They either do not give enough time to their children or become emotionally detached. Such a behavior evolves into unloving nature where they fail to understand the expectations of their children.
Tendency to React Emotionally
Some toxic parents react aggressively while expressing their emotions. While it is essential to express emotions, it is paramount to evaluate the situation and react appropriately. In turn, toxic moms often turn dramatic and exaggerate their emotions. Such an unpredictable temperament drives children into hiding things from their parents. Children of such parents often lack self-confidence.
The practice of Controlling Behavior
Children need to be loved, not controlled. However, highly toxic parents cannot differentiate strictness from controlling behavior. Controlling parents try to command their children about minutiae things. Consequently, kids try to follow instructions like robots and eventually lose their identity. Instead, they should implement house rules in an organized, orderly, and restricted manner.
Emotionally Abusing the Kids
Sometimes, parents joke about their children making embarrassing remarks about their behavior. Frequent arguments, name-calling, and physical abuse create a wrong impression on the children. It affects their mental and emotional health. Likewise, yelling and screaming indicate something is wrong with the family members.
Manipulating the Child
Parents often try to twist facts before presenting them to their children, intending to gain consent on something. Such manipulative behavior may avoid the phase of denial. Sometimes, it helps in achieving a goal but is highly toxic and not a healthy parental practice.
Never Satisfied with Child’s Achievements
Toxic parents never show a gesture of joy or satisfaction no matter what their kids achieve. Instead, they tend to point out the shortcomings. They find faults in every endeavor the child pursues. However, when parents encourage kids for their small achievements, they tend to work harder next time. Moreover, they learn to value their efforts in everything they do in life.
Hiding Things from Children
Kids do not always stay small. Children become more responsible beings when parents involve them in important matters and value their opinion or consent. They learn to believe their decisions. Nonetheless, toxic parents make decisions all by themselves and believe their decisions are correct for their children. Further, they hide traumatic situations from their family.
More Toxic Parents Signs That People Don’t Realize
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| Do not ignore signs of toxic parents |
Sometimes, it is difficult to tell right away if children are dealing
with toxicity in a parent-child relationship. The form of toxicity differs for
different people. Moreover, when a toxic environment becomes a norm in a
family, people seldom realize it, let alone question it.
However, children with toxic parents often feel indecisive in making
big life decisions. They frequently sense insecurity while taking up
responsibilities. Here are some more signs
of toxic parents that people may not realize:
● One of the prime toxic parents' signs is the negative energy the children feel while
entering the house as soon as parents walk in. Every communication feels like a
confrontation or argument with toxic parents because they neither discuss nor
listen.
● Toxic parents instruct their children to make
every decision, however small. They never respect the independence of their
child.
● Children of toxic parents are so dependent that they lack faith and confidence in taking responsibility or trying new things. They never participate in new activities and constantly underestimate themselves. Toxic parents inculcate insecurity issues as a personality trait by belittling their children.
● Toxic parents try to be the center of every discussion. They put their needs and wants over their children. Such parents may even emotionally blackmail or display outbursts to show the priority in their children’s lives. They constantly make their kids put their needs as the topmost priority.
● Toxic parents criticize their children every
time for one thing or the other. They always focus on flaws and things that
didn’t work. In extreme cases, such parents even body shame or criticize a lot
for making bad decisions.
● Moreover, toxic parents are cynical and never
respect the opinion of the child. Eventually, the child goes unheard and
unspoken. As a result, the child feels ignored, disrespected, and incapable of
making decisions.
● Lastly, one of the classic signs of toxic parents is that they
treat their kids like their go-to punching bags. If anything goes wrong in
their lives, they directly take it out on their kids one way or the other.
All these toxic parenting practices, whether done knowingly or unknowingly, put kids through a perplexing mental conundrum. Such an upbringing may have a long-term influence on their personality development. However, identifying these signs is the first step toward breaking the cycle of toxic parenting.
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How to Transform Parenting Practices into Positive Parenting?
Identify the Reasons for Misbehavior
Children often misbehave for a reason, no matter how silly it may
sound. Positive parents try to address the cause and get to the core of an issue
before reacting to a situation. It establishes a close parent-child relationship, which is essential for the effective brain development of a
child.
Be Respectful, Kind, And Firm
Positive Parenting Tip- Listen and respect your child
Children mimic their elders. So, when toxic parents yell and humiliate a child, they react the same way
when upset. On the contrary, when parents are kind and respectful, children
learn to handle difficult situations with respect and composure. However, being
kind doesn't mean being permissive. Parents should set healthy boundaries for
their children and enforce them firmly and kindly.
Practice Gentle Discipline
Positive parents implement positive solutions to ensure
effective discipline. They focus on teaching positive behavior without
punishing the negative ones. They clearly and consistently explain the results
of violating limits. And stick to their word too.
Moreover, they understand those toddler tantrums are a part of growing
up and choose positive parenting strategies to redirect their actions.
Make Parent-Child Interaction A Learning Opportunity
Good parents turn the situation into a lesson to solve
problems when a child misbehaves. They introduce the natural consequences and
help a child understand alternative ways to express and resolve a situation.
Ensure One-on-One Time with Kids
Positive and conscious parents understand the importance of spending time
with their kids. They play games, listen to their kids, and appreciate their
small achievements. It provides positive attention and establishes a firm
emotional connection.
Establish Routines
Positive parents establish defined routines for schooltime,
bedtime, and mealtime. They involve their kids in deciding upon the routines.
They even let them contribute to everyday activities. Besides, they encourage
their kids to find solutions to everyday problems on their own. Positive parents clearly state family
rules and any consequences for breaking them.
Support and Professional Help
Sometimes the parents who practice toxic parenting require help themselves. The very first step into positive parenting is realizing that they need help. Once they identify the issue in their psyche, they can proceed on a healing journey for themselves and their family.
They can consult with an online counselor to decipher their feelings and work on their family dynamics. If the idea of an online counselor sounds overwhelming, they can confide in an unbiased listener and seek help to get over the situation.
Gradually, professional help and family support can turn the toxic
parenting traits into a more delightful parenting experience for their kids and
themselves!
Related post-
Tips to Raise Happy and Optimistic Kids
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